When US Vice President Richard Nixon visited Moscow, he and Soviet Premier Nikita Khrushchev ran a race around the Kremlin. Nixon came in first. "How should our media report on this?" a Soviet journalist asked his boss.
“The report should be as follows: ‘In the international running competition the Soviet Premier took honorable second place. Mister Nixon came in next to last.'”
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A Soviet worker was asked to describe his factory. "We pretend to work and they pretend to pay us.
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A Moscow man was asked the difference between the Constitutions of the USA and USSR. "Both guarantee freedom of speech," he said. "But the Constitution of the USA also guarantees freedom after the speech.”
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A woman walks into a Soviet food store. "Do you have any meat?"
"No," says the shopkeeper, "we don't."
"What about milk?"
"We only deal with meat. The shop across the street is where they have no milk."
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